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Jennifer Hill
Jennifer Hill is a singer/songwriter/recording artist by profession. She is also a mom of two amazing girls, a wife to a great and gentle man (who is also her drummer), a rescue mom to her pets Mazzy (a 100lb Catahoula Leopard Dog) and Kitty, a vocal coach of over 20 years to countless students, a mentor dubbed "Mama Swan" by other women artists in music, and the founder of SWAN DAY CT (Support Women Artists Now) a music and Arts fest dedicated to promoting women in the Arts, now in its 14th year running..
That may sound like a lot but she is even more than that...she is a survivor.
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My Story
This is my story as a time line.
I will be telling many more details within my journey as host of Skeleton Shelter.
1991 Shot at 13 by a classmate I broke up with.
1995 Victimized by a group of men at college at 17.
2000 Raped by a "friend" who took advantage of me while intoxicated.
2001 carjacked at gunpoint while pregnant. Ran from NYC during 9/11 to give birth 9/16 all in one year at age 22.
2005 lastly (as far as violence goes) was held at gunpoint by my then fiancée for having cold feet to marry him at 27.
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Somehow I survived all of this...and then my friends and family tried to pretend it never happened.
That is what you did back in the 90s and early 2000s. Counseling was considered weak or for the really damaged.
In return for surviving, I was met with victim blaming, shot at with pretend guns in the hallways of school, gaslit for locking doors, laughed at when I hit the floor in fear when a balloon popped too close, mocked for my depression, and constantly called "crazy."
I kept going pretending it didn't hurt. I made fun of myself along with others. I laughed at the jokes and constant mockery. I pretended I was fine.. until one day, decades later, it caught up to me and BOOM my ptsd turned to Cptsd (ptsd on acid) and I found myself unable to cope with life.
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I started building walls. I trusted no one. I went from loving crowds to fearing who was in them.
It was a long slow boil.
Finally the 2015 coup de grace and where my ptsd went to CPTSD: my best friends of 25 plus years ghosted me due to my depression and issues stemming from my trauma. My "best friends" turned their backs on me. Didn't understand or care to understand what I was fighting through. They stopped talking to me, stopped being my kids godmothers, and they became a part of the "Jen's Crazy" cheering club, even publicly doubting my depression and mental illness on social media.
I wanted to die. All these people who supposedly loved me didn't want to help me so why was I even trying to survive?
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All the years of trauma had caught up to me and I just wanted to give up.
I felt hopeless. I felt unloved and unworthy and that there was no reason for me to be on this earth. I felt numb. Couldn’t feel happy only sad. Life only equated pain and I just wanted it to stop.
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My kids deserved a mom who wasn't like this.
Maybe everyone would be better off without me.
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I actually wished to die... waited for it...ended up in the hospital, but the fight in me that always comes back did, and it came at the right time.
I decided to pick up the phone and save my own life.
I got a therapist. One that specialized in ptsd, dv, narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse. I did EMDR therapy. I read all of the books that I could on the subjects of the abuse I had endured. I did reiki, got massages, worked through being alone and losing the "lifelong" friends who left.I started advocating for others and telling my story in the media, using the fact I was a well known musician in my state to spread awareness. As this was happening and I was starting to open up to about my trauma, it became my mission as an artist to advocate for those who had yet to find their voice.
That is how we ended up here.
About 4 years ago I made friends with another musician named Patti Rothberg who also had been through the fires of hell and back. We hit it off and started talking. 3 hour conversations about what we have been through, how no one understood it because the awareness isn’t there, and things we think need to be changed within laws to protect abuse victims. I suggested the easiest way we would get heard would be a podcast… Patti agreed and Skeleton Shelter Podcast was born!
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Contact and links
Contact personally via Murderouschanteuse@gmail.com
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Article on Abuse I was interviewed for via Thrive
Music Website
http://www.MurderousChanteuse.com
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BUY MY MUSIC VIA BANDCAMP
(they don't steal our royalties!)
BandCamp
Jennifer Hill https://jenniferhillandco.bandcamp.com/album/little-girl
Jennifer Hill and Co. https://jenniferhillandco.bandcamp.com/album/fifteen-minute-long-sentence
Murderous Chanteuse
https://mchanteuse.bandcamp.com
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Apple Music
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Jennifer Hill
https://music.apple.com/us/artist/jennifer-hill/138747862
Jennifer Hill and Co.
https://music.apple.com/us/artist/jennifer-hill-and-co/743634439
Murderous Chanteuse
https://music.apple.com/us/artist/murderous-chanteuse/1159243278
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Spotify
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Jennifer Hill
https://open.spotify.com/artist/254NLVyd1F7BP8lPPCrNDd
Jennifer Hill and Co.
https://open.spotify.com/artist/4mpcazVTdEpvXwEzD4MFXj
Murderous Chanteuse
https://open.spotify.com/artist/40JZHehLHsShX1Kn5kTOHb
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